A social experiment in the global mental pandemic of loneliness
The repercussions of new world order… or disorder in 2020, meant that humanity was under lockdown and what we thought was a virus pandemic, turned into a mental pandemic.
How we relate to each other has changed. People have been forced to step towards themselves, as this is the new person you spend your most time with.
As a single person living alone, the pandemic has been quite an experience. I have gained many insights on my own mental wellbeing and will share some of my highlights with you.
In South Africa, the initial lockdown meant only essential services were allowed. There was also a liquor and tobacco ban… yes, there was no wine😱 and definitely no art supplies😥. The only hobby people could engage in was baking bread for some reason… and then we had a shortage of flour!
The first week was a bit of a novelty for everyone and I had numerous calls from friends and family checking in to see how I was doing. How was I doing? well, for the most part, ok. I could finally get some time to spring clean and had a list of things I needed to sort out in the house.
My house was so spick and span in the next week that I felt I didn’t want to touch anything, for fear of having to clean it all again. I so was done with clean up duties. So next, I turned my attention to the kitchen. I tried out some recipes and then paired it with a good juice and pretended it was wine. I also used up my paint and started on a great sci-fi novel. The calls with people still came, in addition to a sudden boom in puzzles, riddles and various social media entertainment. I suppose I also started making good use on Netflix and Youtube.
By the third week, I started to get stir crazy- the weekly visit to the shop was like a bird escaping a cage only to find itself in a larger cage. The only people to greet and say a few words to were the cashiers and security guards. The extent of my human contact.
That’s when I stopped to think. (What makes us want to talk to other humans? Can we really spend time with ourselves? What is human contact and is there a new way of doing it?
Thus, the social experiment began.
I first looked at my space and the things I did. Rearrangement of furniture ensued. I had a workspace and an eating space and a hobby space and a reading space. Mind you, I live in an apartment so space meant I had a table where I would only sit at for lunch, the couch for coffee and TV, the bed for sleeping etc. I found that creating the separate spaces and then trying to be disciplined about it, helped with the stir craziness.
Next, I looked at how I spend time with myself. I was already a meditator and yoga enthusiast and looked to increase the time I spent on this with much deeper insights. I can only say that stillness helps alleviate anxiety and expectation. Once you get past any precognitive biases or feeling like you are not getting it right, it was the most helpful part in my mental stability. I also made a bucket list — a lockdown bucket list. An innate human need is surpassing challenges. Everyone wants to progress, its how we guarantee evolution. My bucket list involved finishing a drawing with a new technique, completing some writing and learning how to shuffle dance. Many YouTube videos later — 2 out of 3 was a win I thought. A month later and my shuffle still looked like I was doing the funky chicken dance. By now my new itinerary involved Meditation and Yoga in the morning, meetings I could still do online for the most part of the day, with hobby work or relaxation and pretend wine drinking in the evenings. Of course, I still tried to bake bread like the rest of the country in between.
I next tried to tackle the concept of human interaction. This was the most interesting part for me. It was a chance to look at myself from the outside in. The first question was: how do I find a way to substitute this idea of contact? I mulled over the idea of fostering a pet, but then decided I needed to start with something anyone would have access to. So green fingers it was!
It is worth noting that I have on occasion killed a cactus. I started saving all the seeds from the food I was making and then planted them. I tried lemon, beans (the easiest to grow) squash and even a mielie. Some pots, soil and my balcony were all I needed. It was a winter period so some of the plants had to grow indoors which provided my entertainment during the day. I think we all underestimate the power of caring for living things. I experimented with talking to my plants, meditating with them, and then looking to see which ones grew faster. There was no fear of anyone thinking I was crazy as I was alone. Everyone even got named and I could even attach a personality depending on how they grew.
Through all this, another question nagged me. What were other people doing? People could not meet so I wondered how people were dating now? After logging on to the various dating apps I found some had accommodated changing your location, so you could meet and chat with people from around the world. What fun! some apps even had BFF (best friend forever) options so you can meet and make friends with people in and around your location. One thing I found interesting was that not many people figured out that there was an option of virtual dates or meets. So there I went and asked a couple of people out on a virtual date. Maybe this is just me, but I think all women should be asking for a virtual chat first. You get to see the persons home, get some sense of who they are, no one has to wear pants or spend any money on something that may not work out.
After trying out all these things, I went back to ask myself how alone do I feel? Do I feel lonely?
I think that starting my journey out with meditation, introspection and Yoga did wonders for my inner awareness, which led to me wanting to spend more time with myself. That was the premise of self-care.
I am a great advocate of mind-body-spirit, and a focus on this when one is alone never enables the feeling of alone.
The add on of caring for things, even if it was plants seems to satisfy a need for engagement and purpose. I think choosing nature made it even better and the joy I got from seeing things sprout up from the ground or little tomatoes that I could eat was immeasurable.
In my world of people strategy and change, I have led many a speaking engagement or workshop built on the premise that the people we spend most of our lives with are those that we work with. Most of our waking hours have been spent engaging and communicating with the humans that we share that part of our lives with. This premise has now done an about-turn and loneliness is a real thing, even if you live with people.
The thing we must all remember is that we can either complain about a situation, adapt to it or create a new situation from it that best suits us.
It is a choice we must make. I hope sharing my experience helps other people think about their own lives and how they spend time with themselves.
If nothing, this change is an opportunity of self-discovery, inner awareness and a chance to let you make you happy.
